Conscious Conception: My Story + Tips For You
When I was a kid, maybe eight, maybe six, I learned the physiological basics of baby-making: There's a penis. There's a vagina. Said penis enters said vagina (*eight year old self is all like "weird" and "awesome" at the same time). Then, the man and woman who own the penis and vagina bump their hips together in an Adult Dance until eventually a bunch of sperm (kind of like tadpoles) shoot out of the penis (*eight year old self: face stiff in disbelief). These sperm race one another until one sperm wins the race by being the first to arrive at a very tiny egg inside the woman. Ta-da! The start of life.
A couple decades and a handful of years later, it came time for me to do the Adult Dance for real (not just practice!). I wanted there to be more to it than the physiological act of bumping uglies. Sure, I could have simply banged and made a baby but the potency of being fully conscious and intentional about the journey got me mega excited. I figured, if conception is the start of life, surely it warrants far more consideration than what I learned as a kid.
What is Conscious Conception?
Conscious conception is the act of creating life with intention. It takes the physical act of love-making and elevates this exchange from corporeal to spiritual. Conscious conception is a call to reflect on our own desires and intentions in regards to rearing children, to heal our own wounds surrounding parenthood and to celebrate the magnificent and sacred task of creating new life.
What might happen if we each prepared our hearts and souls for baby-making? What would it be like if we each understood that parenthood begins before conception? I believe being conscious about the way we create new life sets the tone for pregnancy and birth. It initiates a woman into Motherhood and allows both mother and father to get more connected to one another, to themselves and to the soul of their baby. Conception is the foundation of life; the starting point, the grand entrance. Might as well make it shine!
My Conscious Conception Story
My husband (who I’ll call Flynn because that’s his name) and I decided to create a Love Baby. Like baking a cake with quality ingredients, we knew the end result would be yummier, healthier and more lovely if we took all aspects of baby-making into consideration before actually conceiving.
I'll start the story on November 27th, 2015 when I woke up with an epic barf-inducing hangover. I’m a healthy woman, yogi, yoga teacher and meditation guide, a vegetarian for nearly 18 years, a conscious organic and local shopper, informed about mobile radiation and yada yada yada! and yet here I was, yet again, pale and gagging after drinking far too much wine at a party.
I’d been wanting to quit alcohol for years. It never seemed possible though. This insidious habit of imbibing had been part of my life for well over a decade and I couldn’t quite figure out how to kick it for good. I wasn’t addicted in the traditional sense but in the socially acceptable sense of having alcohol to celebrate, to relax, to unwind and to connect with others, I was certainly addicted.
I woke up shattered (after a yoga party, no less!) and in the hot-mess aftermath decided I would never drink alcohol (or coffee) again. At this time, there was definitely a quiet yearning inside my soul to begin my journey into motherhood. I knew it wasn’t going to happen immediately but I’d been playing peekaboo with the idea for well over a year and felt like my baby was getting closer and closer. I knew I didn’t want alcohol to be a factor in creating life and so, looking back, I was 100% quitting for myself and also (maybe, possibly!) for the sweet baby who would one day take up residence in my womb.
Elevating Body, Mind & Spirit
When I quit drinking, Flynn was in South Korea. After he arrived home he enthusiastically quit coffee and alcohol too. We're both pretty game like that! Neither of us have drank either substance since. We both knew a) we wanted to be super healthy for ourselves and b) that we didn’t want alcohol to be in our lives when we began having baby-making sex. Even though we hadn’t yet decided to begin this journey, this step in kicking both booze and coffee felt significant and looking back, was definitely a foundational step in our conscious conception journey.
Two and half months after quitting alcohol and coffee, we both went vegan. We were vegetarian and were interested in taking this next step, for ourselves and for the planet (we still hadn't decided to start having baby-making sex yet). I stayed vegan until six weeks into my pregnancy when I realised it wasn’t working for me and my growing baby. Then, I went back to my vegetarian ways and to be perfectly honest, ate two beef burgers at the end of my pregnancy. Because, well, it just felt right!
In mid March 2016, Flynn returned to Australia to sort out some visa stuff. We decided that when he returned, we would create life together. It was exhilarating and scary and a heartwarming prospect. I loved the idea of using our bodies to engage in the most creative act available in this life: the act of creating another human.
Maidenhood to Motherhood
In mid April, during my period before Flynn returned, I placed menstrual blood into a little dish on the maidenhood altar I’d created. I placed my guide, The Empress from the Mythic Tarot Deck, in the centre, the blood before her, and anointed myself, The Empress, Ganesha and all the other deities, too. I sang mantras and invited in the spirit of my baby. It was a spiritual party just for me! I cried sweet tears for the ending of my solo days, welcoming in the next chapter of my life.
When Flynn arrived home, he was rejuvenated from six weeks of Australian sand, sun and sea (see: tanned and sexy). We laughed and cried, gazing into one another’s eyes, reaffirming our love for one another with words and cuddles. We might have actually read our wedding vows too, but I don’t remember for sure. We lit candles and placed them on the new altar I'd made which was dedicated to the creation of our child. We rang a bell he’d gotten me as a present on our wedding day. It was time!
We did the Mommy Daddy Dance a bunch of times in the following weeks. It had a new flavour, being meant for something beyond the physical and spiritual, now rooted in full creative connection. I was due my period shortly after he returned to London and got it promptly. Then, that following cycle, I became pregnant with our little girl, Fox. I remember the exact sexy-session that we created her. I felt the egg implant a few days later and when I took a test and told Flynn the positive result he smiled lazily in the early morning light and said he already knew.
Conscious Conception: Wanky or Rad?
All of this conscious conception stuff might sound a little wanky, especially if you’re not one for the spiritual side of life. Think of it this way though: conception is the start of life. It's the actual beginning of mammalian life! Like laying a foundation for a house, you want it to be solid and made of the very best stuff possible so that the house stands for years to come. That’s what conscious conception is all about. That’s what making a love baby is!
Conscious conception paves the way for a more conscious and connected pregnancy and birthing experience and sets the tone for parenthood. Being intentional about our actions, any actions, makes them more potent. Part of consciously conceiving our baby meant we also created the space to talk about our fears and concerns. It wasn’t all altars and ceremonies and eye gazing. There was also a lot of uncertainty and working through blockages. We spent time doing solo-reflecting and also reflected together as a couple: What did becoming parents mean for our relationship? What stories were we carrying around about parenthood that we wanted to rewrite?
It wasn’t a one day event but something we both explored together over the course of many months; many years even. I believe that engaging in conscious conception elevated our relationship, our connection to this new child and this child's relationship to life on earth.
Babies are learning taste and sound and the energetic atmosphere of the world outside while they’re still growing inside of their mothers' bodies. To me then, it just makes perfect sense to become conscious, connected and awake so that when we invite a new being into our lives they have the best possible chance at experiencing peace, love and happiness well before they enter the world. What a blueprint, what a foundation, to begin this journey of being a human!
9 Tips For Conscious Conception
Here are some things to consider if you’re interested in conscious conception and making a love baby of your very own:
- Get real about your relationship with yourself. As a birthing woman, you are the soil that the seed of your baby grows in. The more you love yourself, the more you take care of yourself, the more you forgive and cherish yourself, the happier your baby will be. You set the tone of happiness and love. You are the most important part of the equation. Start first with yourself.
- Get real about your relationship with your partner. Is this the person you want to create life with? I know that's a huge question but it's integral that you ask it. What needs to be talked about? What do you need to start healing in your relationship in order to evolve as a couple? What words need saying? Start saying them before you make a baby together. Start talking and then keep talking. Forgive and love one another. This is your baby’s first taste of what it means to relate to another human. Love one another with compassion and kindness.
- Get in touch with spirit, whatever this means to you. The spiritual component of pregnancy and birth basically gets zero play in western society; however, it’s the bases for a fulfilling pregnancy and a deeply fulfilling life. Connect to nature, God, your higher self — whatever makes your spirit soar. Then keep doing that, always, forever. The end!
- Clean up your physical body. This process is best started well-before you make your baby. Reflect on what you’re eating and what food habits aren’t elevating you. Eliminate toxins, processed foods, fake foods and all the yuck. If it’s not good for you, it’s not good for your baby. If this turns into guilt and shame, please go back to step one and remember, compassion and kindness are key.
- What’s happening with your period? I haven’t been on hormonal contraceptives in over a decade. I know my cycle well. I’m connected to my body. If you don’t know your body or your cycle, now is a beautiful time to start paying close attention. Learning to release, to be with your period, is good practice for birth. Your cycle can unlock a new world of understanding when it comes to all aspects of your health and wellbeing. Here’s a book that can help you.
- Intentional love-making is extraordinary. Before you get busy, say a prayer or some kind and happy words. Light a candle together. Reaffirm your love for one another and set glorious intentions for your sexy sessions. Let your love-making be just that, love making. You are actually making love by making a new person out of love. Get it? Good!
- Babies love sacred ceremony! Start doing special things to call your baby into being. Create an altar, buy flowers, sing to your baby’s spirit. Get together with your partner and write a letter to your new baby. Believe in your baby’s divine timing. Remember, they’re on their own journey and will come to you when the time is right. Trust your baby. They'll appreciate it.
- Less is way more. Drop all the things in your life that cause you unnecessary stress. Unfollow everyone on social media who you don't relate to on a high-vibe level. Stop rushing. Stop overfilling your schedule. Stop doing things you don’t want to do. Be kind to yourself and your partner if it takes time to become pregnant. Start a mindfulness practice if you don’t already have one. There are some fun meditations here.
- Trust in the process. Do everything you can do and then leave the rest up to the mystery that is Life. Most of us women have spent the majority of our reproductive lives telling our bodies not to become pregnant. Then one day perhaps, we change our minds and our bodies have to follow suit. It might happen quickly and it might take some time. Trust in yourself, take care of yourself and practice the art of surrender.
If you need some help to kick off your conscious conception journey, click here.